People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) have a difficult time controlling their emotions, which can be very strong, and stressful. This may cause them to become enraged and lash out at the people in their lives. If you live with someone who has BPD, you’re probably aware of this, but you might be at a loss for what to do about it. Here’s some guidance on how to make yourself, your spouse, and your relationship healthier.
Learn About Borderline Personality Disorder
It can be frustrating to have borderline personality disorder or to live with someone who does. People with BPD, as well as those who live with them, frequently feel completely alone. Education is essential, especially when it comes to the behaviors that accompany the disease.
Here are some sites to learn more about borderline personality disorder and find support:
First and foremost, take care of yourself.
Before you can move on in the relationship, you must first stop the other person from hurting you. Trying to help them while you’re being treated badly — screamed at, living with passive hostile behavior — isn’t healthy for you and it won’t help your partner. If your partner claims they are unable to stop, you will almost certainly require professional assistance before you can make any progress.
Set Boundaries and Stick with Them
People with BPD often succeed in persuading others to do for them what they should be doing for themselves because the other person simply wants to stop the ranting, so they give in. Rather, inform your partner that you will not participate in unhealthy behaviors.
Enforce Emotional Boundaries
People with borderline personality disorder frequently involve others close to them in their feelings. They believe that if they are angry, you should be angry too so they create a situation that makes the other person angry. If you can detect these patterns, you’ll be well on your way to breaking the co-dependent cycle.
Build a healthy connection rather than an unhealthy one.
Fighting or defending yourself against a partner who is mistreating you, saps your interest and ability to do fun things with them. This makes it more difficult to connect. Making a change, such as stepping away when they treat you unfairly, allows you to have more pleasant interactions, such as watching a movie or going on a stroll together. These are more positive ways of expressing affection.
Be Consistent
Boundaries are tested by people with BPD. If you set a limit, they may experiment with different ways to push or intrude on it. You need to be consistent, because you can’t simply shift the limits one day and expect them to follow it.
Be Supportive in Your Partner’s Treatment
There is no specific medication for borderline personality disorder. However, there are therapies available, such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which is the most commonly used. You may want to look for a therapist who has worked with DBT and has experience with patients who have borderline personality disorder. Let your loved one know about possibilities and treatments, explain how this can help enhance their stress tolerance.
Understand when you need to safeguard yourself.
What tells you when it’s time to draw the line? Here are some things to keep an eye out for.
- Physical violence.
- Too many boundaries.
- Your partner is unwilling to make changes.
- Your mood is consistently bad.
Know When to Protect Your Partner
Self-harm, such as cutting, or suicidal gestures, such as overdosing, are both signs of BPD. Call 911 if you witness your partner getting hurt.
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